


Goodbye Means Forever

by borntomkehistory



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borntomkehistory/pseuds/borntomkehistory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco doesn't know what he's searching for anymore. He doesn't know what he needs. He's tired of hurting everyone around him, and he's tired of being dependent on everyone. He has Harry, he has friends, he has his parents but Draco still has this longing for more. For once, he follows his thoughts instead of his heart, and that leads him astray. This is the story of Draco realizing that what he needed was in front of him the whole time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Means Forever

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

Goodbye Means Forever

He felt so pathetic and lost.  
//

The idea came to him over the summer. It's the time in his life when he has to figure out what he wants to do, and well, do it. Draco knew that he wasn't the best person but, he couldn't never intentionally hurt someone he loves on purpose. 

It was also hard to get the words out. That night, Draco asked Harry to meet him in the corridors leading to the Slytherin common room. They couldn't risk being caught, so they always took extra precaution. When Draco was finally able to escape from his insufferable friends he met up with Harry who was hidden behind his invisibility cloak.  
Harry greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. He looked absolutely beautiful. The rosy glow in his cheeks, the sparkle in his eyes, the way his lips always look so plump and welcoming, and the way his face would light up when he spoke...This only made Draco feel even worse than before. 

"Hi." Harry said. He took a hold of Draco's hand. He was somewhat alarmed when Draco didn't lightly squeeze his hand like usual, but he didn't let that show. 

"Hey." Draco replied coolly. He allowed Harry to take his hand, and he resisted the urge to squeeze it. Ever since they first started dating back in their fourth year he always made it a routine to tighten his grip around Harry's hand to assure him that he wasn't going anywhere. Surely Harry was going to notice this change. He was more observant than people thought. 

As the night went on, Harry was doing little things that were making Draco dread his original intention for their meet up. Harry would rub his thumb against the back of the Slytherins hand, when they snuck into the kitchens he gathered all of Draco's favorite snacks way before the house elves had a chance to ask, he whispered sweet nothings into Draco's ear when they went by the lake, and he even initiated their make out session that Draco quickly had to stop before it escalated into something more. 

"What's wrong?" Concern was all over Harry's face, and it was heard quite clear in his voice. 

"I just... I don't feel well." Which wasn't exactly a lie. The whole night Draco felt sick to his stomach. Every time the idea of talking to Harry crossed his mind he would feel the wave of nausea hit him hard. He didn't want to do this. He also didn't want to hold Harry back. 

"Oh... Do you want me to walk you back to the common room?" Harry got on his knees and began pushing himself up until he was standing. From there, he reached his hand out to help Draco up. 

"Harry... Wait," he accepted the Gryffindor’s hand, but didn't get up. Draco sat there hoping that he would get the hint and sit back down. He wanted to do this seated just in case his knees would give out due to nerves, "we...we need to talk." 

Harry's heart started to beat fast. they needed to talk? He quickly did a body scan over Draco. He didn't have any broken bones, he didn't look injured, he didn't look too sickly aside from the fact that he was pale, really pale. He hasn't spoken about his father for a while, he was definitely not a death eater, everything seemed fine... What could they possibly have to talk about? 

"O-Kay..." Harry sat back down but kept his grip on Draco's hand. He was nervous, and scared. Draco was not normally this secretive, or mysterious. If he wanted to get something off his chest, he would have done it already. 

A cough erupted from Draco. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. Harry is going to be devastated, he's also going to hate him. Those were two major things that he was trying to avoid but this was something that he knew he had to do. Not for his sake, but for Harry's.  
Well, it's now or never, Draco thought to himself. "Harry... I don't know think we should see each other anymore... Or, you know...date."  
Those words rung out, and then, there was nothing but silence between them. It was as if the entire world stopped. The Owls stopped hooting, the wind stopped blowing, the river they were by stopped flowing, and Harry stopped breathing. 

Draco looked down at their hands. He couldn't bear to look at his face. His heart shattered in his chest. The very heart that half of the students didn't know he had, the very heart that he only used for Harry, the very heart that was only capable for loving him.  
The silence was prolonged. The anxiety simmering in Draco's gut finally reached its boiling point and he said, "just say something already!" However, the Gryffindor said nothing. He didn't even flinch when Draco yelled directly at him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't hear correctly, he couldn't feel. For the first time in his life he couldn't say anything. 

"Okay." Harry finally escaped from his trance. 

"What?" 

"Okay. If that's what you want." His eyes lost that sparkle, the rosiness were absent from his cheeks, the glow his face usually carried has faded, and his voice sounded so foreign. Draco's guilt only worsened. 

The Slytherin didn't say anything. He only nodded. Harry just felt sad. He didn't want to let go of Draco's hand, because he didn't want to let go of what they had. But, he did. He released the boys hand and got up from his spot on the damp grass. Harry resisted his urge to say goodbye, just like how Draco resisted the urge to stop him from walking away.  
When Harry was out of sight, Draco threw himself back on the ground and he looked at the stars shining in the sky. He didn't have the energy to walk back to the Slytherin common room. He also didn't have the energy to hold back his tears. 

Loud sobs wrecked through his body, and he just laid there crying. 

He laid there hoping that he would come back. 

//

The next day was proven to be very difficult for the two. It was like they saw each other everywhere when they were trying their best to avoid one another. When Draco was walking down the corridor, Harry would quickly walk the other way. When they had the same classes together, Draco would look around for an empty seat other than the one next to Harry. Harry had even opted to sit next to Neville during dinner so he wouldn't have to face the Slytherin table.  
Soon, some people started to notice Harry's strange behavior. He wasn't as outgoing; he was just moodier than ever. He lost his interest for Quidditch and temporarily made Ron team captain. He's even been staying in bed more frequently even though he wasn't tired. 

His closest friends, Ron and Hermione, were quick to notice his behavior. They tried whatever they could to make him feel better. They invited him to Hogsmeade, offered to give him their assignments, they even got Fred, George, Seamus, and Dean involved. But nothing worked because they didn't know the true source of his sadness. They didn't know that the source was a certain Blonde who seemed to be in better spirits than him. 

When days turned into weeks, and when weeks turned into months, it looked like Harry's spirits were started to get lifted again. He got out of bed, laughed at his housemates’ jokes, he's even started going to Quidditch practice again. From his friends’ perspective, it looked like whatever he was going through was going to finally pass with just a little more time. 

That was all until Harry and his two best friends were walking to Hogsmeade and saw Draco and his friends making their way towards him. Harry was in the middle of sharing some Quidditch strategies when something else caught his eye. 

"Ah, Granger, Weasley... Potter." Hermione and Ron shot the Slytherin warning looks. 

"Malfoy." Harry made direct eye contact with Draco, and they both stood there for a while. His fist was balled beside his pants, and he was in a mix of sadness and pure anger. 

However, Draco couldn't lie. Harry looked better. He looked even better now than before when they were still together. "Harry, I..." He was going to say something before he remembered where they both were. 

"Harry...?" Hermione nudged his arm. She didn't know what was going on. She tried again to pull on his arm, but he was not budging. "Harry." She said a little bit louder. Still nothing. 

"Well." Draco was the first to break the awkward tension. His “Malfoy" facade was back on, along with his usual smug grin, "it's been fun Granger, Weasley, and Potter, but we have to get going." He shoved his hands in his robes, then he motioned for his lackeys to follow. 

Draco made his way passed the trio before turning to say, "oh, and Potter, it's not nice to stare. Didn't your mother teach you that? Oh, wait..." Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy laughed loudly. Their laughter echoed through the halls until they were out of view. 

The trio were still standing there. Ron was shouting a whole bunch of swears and threats, while Hermione was trying to get down to the bottom of Harry's odd behavior towards Malfoy. "Harry, is there something you're not telling me?" She asked in a voice only the two of them could hear. 

Harry snapped out of his thoughts, "of course not, now, let's go to the three broomsticks before someone takes our spot." He gave her the best smile he could give. She didn't seem to convinced, "trust me, Mione." She just nodded, deciding not to push it. 

"Oh, would you come on, Ronald! Honestly, you're like a child sometimes." Hermione dragged Ron along and they all disappeared outside. 

At the end of the hall, Draco was still there, listening to their conversation. He told the others to go on to the common room, and said that he would be there in a bit because he had something to take care of. He was always thankful that they weren't the lot to ask questions. However, Draco has been watching closely. He wanted to make sure that Harry was doing okay without him. He missed him with all of his heart but he knew that then being together was not the right thing for the boy who lived. He'd only hope that Harry would understand that his intentions were out of care and not spite. 

He's been a mess ever since the break up two months ago, he just couldn't let Harry see that because then he would want to come to his rescue. Draco only sighed a defeated sigh. 

He still loved him. 

//

He felt so pathetic and lost. 

The holiday season was fast approaching. Hogwarts was covered with a heavy sheet of snow. Inside, the great hall had beautiful decorations hanging from every corner of the room. Many students were finishing up the remainder of their work, while the others were packing for their trip back home to their families. 

Inside the Gryffindor boy’s dormitory, Harry was laying across his bed messing around with a replica of the golden snitch that was gifted to him by his God father. 

"Harry, are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Ron was scurrying around the room trying to located the rest of his clothes. His suitcase was about to burst, but he didn't use his second one even after all the warnings Harry gave him. Ron never listened, he was also so persistent in finding the value out of everything, whatever that means. 

"Yes, Ron. I told you this a million times... I'll be fine." The boy stopped playing with the snitch and placed it back in its spot on the nightstand. 

"Yes, I know, but... Hermione will be there for a few days before heading back to her folks, and I'm sure mum and dad are dying to see you again. Also, you might be alone in this tower all by yourself." 

"Yeah, mate. I agree with Ron." Seamus said from across the room. 

"Oi, who asked you anyways?" Seamus threw one of his socks that Harry skillfully caught, "besides, I've been alone in my own isolation before, for eleven years I might add. I think I can manage being alone until the new year." He threw the sock back at Seamus. 

Ron looked uneasy with the idea of Harry being alone for that long. Especially with his depressive periods. Then again, he knew that there was no point of arguing so he just zipped up his suitcase instead. 

"Ha! I told you that I would make this w-" before his sentence was finish the suitcase busted open, and his clothes were scattered all over his bed and the floor. 

"You were saying?" Harry gave him one of his "I told you so “smirks. 

"Sod off." 

Harry laughed loudly. Even Seamus decided to join in on the laughter. 

However, Ron was flipping them all of in his head.  
//

Draco was making his way to the great hall for dinner. He decided to say back at the castle when he received a letter from his mother weeks prior from today. His mother was very insistent in her writing. She didn't go into much detail but she did say that her and his father were planning on hosting a dinner party. She didn't say it but he knew that they were really hosting some kind of meeting for the death eaters, and neither of them wanted Draco involved. 

It wasn't because they were bad parents, but it was because they knew that he didn't want any involvement with Voldemort. When he first started dating Harry he wrote to his mother saying that he did not want to go through with becoming a death eater. His mother and his father were very angry. They were so angry and Draco thought that they were going to disown him for good. However, after they thought it over they wrote back a month later saying that they would support his decision even though they may not agree with it. Draco was happy to hear back from them, and he even cried to Harry when they said that. Not because he was upset like before but, because he was happy. He missed having Harry to turn to. 

Now, Draco was the equivalent to a lingering soul. His parents had so much control over his future that when he had the courage to speak against them, and tell them that what they wanted wasn't what he wanted, he had to figure out what he was really meant for. Over the summer he had so much time to think. He had so much time away from Harry. It's not that they didn't talk because they wrote letters to each other. It just wasn't the same as actually being in presence with one another. Draco realized that he had grown so dependent on Harry and his parents that he was lost because he's never really done anything from himself. 

He thought that if he broke up with Harry it would give him the time he needed to find himself and figure things out. Well, it's been three months and he still hasn't figure himself out. But, he has figured out that he needs Harry. That he wants to be with him, he needs to be with him. He realizes that Harry is the only person keeping him grounded. 

Draco then realized that he didn't make a good decision, he realized that he made the worst decision of his life. 

The Slytherin walked through the doors leading to the great hall. He was so engulfed in his thoughts that he didn't even take in his surroundings. 

Draco stood in the front of the great hall for a minute or two. It was fairly empty since most of the students left to go back home, with the exception of a few Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, Slytherins, and Potter? He was the first peculiar sight he's seen today. Usually Harry would have gone with Weasel to the burrow. The reason why Draco knows this is because there were many times that Harry insisted on staying with him during the holidays. Draco would always persuade him to spend time with his adopted family and that he would be fine. 

Again, Draco was so lost in thought that he didn't notice that Harry was looking directly at him. His eyes were trying to regain that sparkle, his cheeks attempting to become rosy again, his lips that where chapped and unloved for so long now gaining its natural moisture. Draco knew him better than most people. 

Draco quickly looked away. The time wasn't right. He had to tell Harry that he was a fool as soon as he knew what to say. For now, he just went to the Slytherin table and took a seat next to Blaise who just nodded a hello. 

If he really wanted to regain Harry's trust and love, he would have to prove it to him the best he knows how. 

with gifts. 

//

It was Christmas morning. Harry yawned and stretched his legs apart until his feet bumped into something hard resting on the edge of his bed. He reached for his circular  
frames that were always on the nightstand. Harry shoved his glasses on and slowly opened his eyes so that they could readjust to the light in the room. 

He looked down at his feet to see what he hit. It was just a pile of presents from his family and friends. Harry picked a few up. One was horribly wrapped; it was from Hagrid. Another was neatly wrapped, that one was from Molly Weasley and them. Harry actually awed at that one. Then, he got to one box that didn't have a name on it, but it did awfully resemble something a certain Slytherin would give. 

Harry eyed the package carefully. He was careful not to damage it. He slowly examined the box before opening up. Inside, the box contained a letter that said, "meet me by the lake at midnight." 

Who did Draco think he was? First he broke up with Harry out of nowhere, ignore and partly terrorized his best friends for the last few months, now he was trying to talk to him through a box and colorful wrapping paper. 

"That prick." He crumbled up the letter. From then, he started to comb a finger through his hair since that was his one of his many ways of comfort. He knew that he should hate the boy, he should hate him for putting him through those intense emotions, he should hate him for being a selfish prick, he should... He should hate him for being so perfect.  
Harry released a frustrated groan. He missed the blonde, he really did. He never trusted anymore as much as he trusted Draco, and he never felt so dependent on anyone ever until they started dating. Harry threw the covers off of himself and he shuffled along to the bathroom. 

It's not that Harry was totally dependent on Draco. He wasn't waiting for him to feed him, clothe him, or wash him. But, he depended on him for his happiness. Sure, his friends and adopted family were able to lighten up his damped spirits when needed. Sure, he's had the best memories with them. But with Draco, he felt like a new person.

He didn't feel like the savior, and he didn't feel the need to be the perfect golden boy because Draco loved all of his flaws. From his physical flaws to his mental flaws, and Harry absolutely loved that. His life was worth living every time Draco was there by his side. 

He turned the facet off, then he placed his toothbrush back in the holder. Why did he have to love him so much? and why did Draco even break up with him? He had so many questions that he needed to know the answer to. 

Maybe he will get his answers when they meet tonight. 

// 

Draco was waiting by the lake with flowers in one hand, and a neatly wrapped box in the others. He used a spell to conjure up the time, then he glanced over at the path that lead back to Hogwarts. 

At the moment, he was unsure if Harry was willing to hear him out. He just wanted him to know that he was sorry, and that he made the biggest mistake of his life. Draco let out a deep breath and watched the misty fog escape from his chattering teeth and chapped lips. 

The time told him that it was three minutes before midnight. It was those three minutes that was causing an insane amount of anxiety to sore through Draco's chest. He understands that Harry is mad, he probably even hates him too. But if he could just get five minutes he could explain himself in three. 

It was a minute before midnight and still no sign of Harry. The wind was picking up speed, and the falling flakes of snow were starting to pile on. Draco wiped the cold frozen rain off his face. He really didn't think this through in terms of outerwear. 

Then, it was two minutes after midnight. Harry wasn't coming. He knew that he wasn't. Draco could feel his whole world begin to crumble. He threw the gift in the snow, along with the flowers and allowed the flakes to cover it. What's the point? He let the best thing that's ever happen to him escape and it was all his fault. 

Draco kneeled down in the snow. His eyes were focused on the river that was nearly frozen, "what have I done?" He asked himself. He wasn't going to allow himself to cry. He was a Malfoy for merlin's sake. They shouldn't be subjected to this amount of emotion. 

"Got room for one more?" Draco whipped his head around. He widens his eyes. Above him, Harry was standing there with his hands in his ropes and his Gryffindor scarf pulled all the way up to his nose. 

"Harry! I... I don't-" a hand was raised. Draco's mouth quickly shut. 

"No. Let me speak." The Slytherin nodded for him to go on. Harry too kneeled down next to him. He took a deep breath. It was almost like he was rehearsing what he was about to say. 

"Firstly, you're an absolute prick," Draco was about to protest but Harry stopped him again, "No. I don't know what I did, or what happened. But, you're a prick. It's bad enough that you waited to speak with me for over three months, but then you asked for my attention through a letter in a fancy box! do you know how degrading that is? What? Am I not good enough to be summoned face to face? That's not even the worst part... Just, just tell me what I did wrong. Tell we what went wrong. Are you just not interested? Was I not good enough? Are you seeing someone else? Just tell me. Skip the theatrics. Just talk to me." Harry finished his rant panting. His chest was rising up and down at a dangerous speed, and his eyes showed that tears were threatening to escape. 

"Harry, I... I don't know what to say-"

"You have five minutes." 

Draco paused to gather his thoughts. "I didn't... I didn't mean to hurt you. Harry, you must believe me. I'm lost, I'm confused, for once I'm scared. I'm scared of my future, I'm scared of what my parents think, and I'm scared of losing you. I guess I just thought that I was becoming too dependent on you, and I was losing myself and becoming something I certainly am not..." 

"Three." 

Harry's face was stern. Draco didn't know how he was going to get through to him. He threw his hands over his head, and he squeezed his eyes shut. "I need you! Okay? I love you. I miss you. I was just being a stupid prick. I didn't ask you here to win you back. But, I at least want you to forgive me. Please, Harry! What do I have to do? I'm in fucking love with you." 

None of them spoke after his outburst. Harry was taken aback, but also touched. He's seen just about every side of Draco except for this one. Quite frankly, he didn't know how to react. 

"One." 

"Wha-"

Harry leaned in to kiss Draco on the lips. Draco was wide eyed; the hot tears were still falling down his cheeks. Before he even had a chance to return the gesture, Harry backed up to get a better look at the boy. 

He looked exhausted, he looked ill, and his eyes were shallow. Harry couldn't believe that this was the same boy he fell in love with those years ago. Look didn't matter, though. He still loved him for him. 

"I love you, Draco." His thumb wiped away the fresh tears that were rolling down the Slytherins pale cheeks. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Because I didn't know what to think. I'm sorry." 

"I am too." 

This time, Draco kissed him. The kiss was filled with such love and passion, neither of them wanted to let go. They didn't want to let go on the moment they had, and they wanted to cherish it forever. 

Achoo. A powerful sneeze erupted through Draco's body. He began apologizing, and his already red stained cheeks turned even more red. Harry on the other hand just laughed. 

"It's not funny!" 

Harry was gripping his sides. He hasn't laughed this hard in a few months. 

"It is! Come on, let's get you inside. And this time don't surprise me with anything like last time, okay?" Harry pushed himself up. He offered a hand that Draco quickly accepted.  
The two of them stared at each other for a minute. Green eyes were staring into light grey and vice versa. Harry pulled him into a hug. They stayed there for a moment. They didn't care who might have passed by because, this was about them. Not anyone else. The Gryffindor sneakily inhaled his scent, and then exhaled a breath of relief. When he opened his eyes, he noticed a box that had a similar wrapping to the one he got earlier. 

"Draco? What's this?" 

"Hm?" Draco's eyes followed the boy who was bending down to pick up the package that was long forgotten, "oh, that. It's your gift." 

"Ha, Ha. Now really, what is this?" 

"Open it." 

Harry eyed the Malfoy, then he proceeded to unwrap the box. When the box was open he was out a loss for words. Inside the box was a tiny figurine of him in his Quidditch uniform. The figurine had its arm stretched out like it was reaching for something, and it was riding a broom stick. 

"Draco, this is amazing..." 

"I thought you might like it. It matches the snitch you got from your god father." Harry was in complete awe. He moved the figurine around in his fingers. 

"It's beautiful." 

"Just like you." 

"Oi! Don't be such a sap!" Draco laughed. His laugh was then interrupted by another power sneeze. 

"Let's get you inside now." Draco nodded. The two of them began making their way back to the castle. 

"You might actually be sick now." Harry said. 

"Yeah, lovesick." Draco teased. 

"Ugh, stop!" 

"Sorry, Sorry." Draco laughed again. 

After, the two of them went back into the castle to enjoy the rest of the night; and more importantly, enjoy each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my story! please review because feedback is greatly appreciated!


End file.
